Five-Star Disability

Hey friends!

What is your Superpower?  Something that you are very skilled at…

Are you a grade 10 science teacher? Are you a woman? Are you a cross-country truck driver? Can you turn heaps of used and old household utensils into art?  Are you a Dad? How about a nurse? Or even a lowly, underpaid, abused, neglected data entry typist using a manual typewriter?

Those are all worthy superpowers!

As for me, my superpower is my Deafness! Yes, it is true!

When hearing people are verbally arguing, and I’m right there; my Super Deafness picks up absolutely nothing of any interest!  When arguing becomes fisticuffs, my Super Deafness plays a different role: I would stand tall, flex my muscles, strike a menacing pose preparing to intervene and, nonchalantly, walk away!

This Superpower is also incredibly handy when these hearing people seek witnesses who heard them fighting.  I would use my amazing hands to communicate that “I heard that he said… Nothing!  And she replied with a banshee scream and throwing her plate of food at him…”!

As you can see, my vision, no matter how bad it is, can be of assistance.  I can see two people fighting, sure can!  Alas!  Who hit who first, who drew blood, who chewed on who’s ear.  Yet, most fights start with a verbal assault that may or may not lead to physical fighting.  Who called who a “Redneck Trump Supporter!” or a “Dirty undeserving Idiot!” or a “Spaz from Mars!”  Who said what to whom is beyond my abilities to know!

Okay, there is some truth above, my hearing is about as useful as a TV Remote without batteries, yet my vision is a somewhat better, like a computer without a mouse!

Anyways, my Deafness does have some good abilities…

Mainly, when it is bedtime and my boys need to get to sleep.  My hearing wife, love her madly, is prone to listen to and respond to their questions!

Boy 1, “Mommy, blah blah blah blah blah…”

“Yes, sweetie, yak yak yak yak…”

Boy 2, “Blah chitter chatter rah um har har dah ooo gee, Mommy?”

“Roo Roo, pah pah dah do ram!”

And so on… for what seems like hours, yet it only lasts about 15 minutes.

Now, my turn.

Me, signing: “Good night, Love You!”

Boy 1 and 2, also signing “Good night!  Love you!”

Lights are out, I am lying down on Boy 2’s bed, and holding his hand or my hand is on his chest, about 4 minutes later, he is zipping to dreamland!  Boy 1 is older, through he might still need that hand occasionally, he drifts off without much effort.  Duty is done!  I can now go watch some adult Netflix!  Yeah!

See the superpower?  Because they can’t chat with me when the lights are off they cannot chat wit me, and, they (usually) succumb to my Super Deafness and fall asleep!

Of course, as with all Superheros, I do have a kryptonite: If I fall asleep before they do, then my Superpower is useless!  I keep one foot moving, while feigning sleep, to counter my own demise!

My Super Deafness does have other abilities, but I won’t detail them now. This blog is already too long!

Thank you for reading!

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