Five-Star Disability

Hello everyone!

As you know, my family and I moved from Toronto to Vancouver a month ago.  We flew! Lots of fun with two kids, a grandma, a dog and a cat, plus my wife was on crutches due to dislocating her knee 12 hours earlier!  And I had a walker!  Oh yeah!

Anyways, we are here in Vancouver and everything is fine!  My wife still deals with a lot of pain and will get her MRI soon.

This blog is all about fun!  I posed the question to Facebook, and got some fun answers!

What are some things not to do or say on an airplane or in the airport?

Now this is all about fun!  Don’t try these yourself!

• While in the air, and looking out the window, do not say loudly “Is that a Russian F18?”
• While in the air, you do not tell the stranger across from you “I hope this trip is finally the trip where we land in one piece.”
• While in the air, do not pull a banana out of your suit pocket.
• While in the air, if you see Jack Black sitting in first class, do not scream ” HI Jack!”
• While readying for takeoff and watching the stewardesses explain emergency procedures, when they get to the part where they explain the crash position, head between knees, do not mumble loudly “… so you can kiss your ass bye bye…”
• While in the air, do not try to have raunchy sex in the tiny bathroom (everyone can hear you!)
• While in the air, do not walk down the aisle towards the rear, farting all the way… just before meal time.
• While in the air, and after waking from a nap, do not anxiously pat your head then tell the bewildered stranger across from you, “I have a metal plate in my head, my kids put magnets on my head to prank me.”
• While in the air, do not say “I hope my bag got past security… achoo!”
• While boarding a much delayed plane, do not act like a bull in a china shop, barging past stewardesses, flinging your bag overhead, then forcibly sitting down and ramming your seatbelt on, fuming angrily about the delay.  (This is a true story, my intervenor told me later that the stewardess told her that “…your ‘husband’ will not get any alcohol on this flight!”)
• While waiting for security clearance, do not loudly comment “I hope this implant in my head doesn’t look like a bomb”.  (A friend with a Cochlear Implant planted that one…)
• While in the air, and looking out the window at the wing, do not say “Hey, there’s a guy sitting on the wing!”
• While waiting for takeoff, and you are sitting behind the wing, and can see the engine, do not say to the stranger beside you “OMG!  I have the biggest responsibility!  If that engine catches fire, I have to alert the whole plane!  FML!”
• While in the air, and you are Deaf, do not have a passionate discussion with a Deaf friend about a shooting and/or explosion that happened recently.  (Signs for shooting, guns and bombs blowing up are pretty realistic!)
• While in the air, do not say “I have to bury a Quaker” on the way to the toilet.
• While in the air, do not snore or mumble death threats while taking a long nap.
• While in the air, and you see the pilot walk by, do not loudly say “Oh for the love of God, who is driving this plane!”
• While in the air, do not ask the stranger across the aisle to switch seats with you because your seat is wet.
• While in the air, do not bring big huge knives with you!  (Another true story, in 1989, on another much delayed flight from the Caribbean, officials were allowing people to board with huge three foot long sugar cane knives!  Mainly because of the overlong delay!)
• While in the air, please do not yell while looking out the window “Hi Grandma!”
• While in the air, do not start loudly talking or, if you’re Deaf, passionately signing to the chair in front of you.
• While in the air, do not loudly say “My uncle Bob died in a plane crash in 1992.”
• While in the air and en route to Los Angeles from NYC, do not ask the stewardess “… I want to get off in Salt Lake City, is that okay?”
• While in the air, do not say “Oh shit!  I left my kid behind!”
• While in the air, do not ask the stranger in front of you “Did you just fart?” or “Have you seen my pet tarantula?”

Most of these are of my own creation!

If you have any to add, let me know.

Please remember to like and share!

Enjoy life!