Uncontrolled anger

Hey everyone!

is it me or does everyone else with ataxia get angry at themselves when something happens unintentionally?

Let me elaborate several situations:

  • Stair climbing: About two weeks ago, I was coming upstairs from my basement and raged at myself for stepping up, then stepping down on the first step.  This seems very weird, but I also nearly toppled over!  I raged and insulted myself!  I had to do a “hairpin” turn to go up the stairs.  I could offer myself a solution (hot damn, I am a self-starter!) to stop and “realign” my body before I go up the stairs.  Because I go around the corner and start go up, so I better stop and take a second to consider the holes in the wall before I start to climb.  That would solve that rage, but what about…
  • Front porch: I have countless times tried to enter my house with grace and dignity of a home-owner, yet to befuddle myself just walking up the front step!  I would walk up at my usual pace, and then, not stopping, raise a foot to place on the step, and then I might tip that way or lean that way?  Why?  I didn’t turn or anything like that, I just raised my foot.  Could that action actually cause my equilibrium to say “Screw you!” and leave me!  Perhaps I should stop and consider the front door before stepping up?  I’ll try that!
  • Dropping butter: Turning to a different subject, earlier this week I insulted myself when I was adding margarine to my son’s instant noodles.  The knife was cold, and I scooped out a dollop from the tub, but instead of going into the hot pot, the margarine decided it would be better on the floor!  I raged a bit, and took out another dollop, this time it went in the pot!  I’ve done the same time with margarine not going into the frying pan, but the glass-top stove, when I did eggs.  Why does it do that?  Did I miss or forget something from home-ec classes I took almost 35 years ago?  Margarine seems to have a mind of its own, but that is nothing compared to…
  • Dropping a knife: One day in early October, I was home alone and making something to eat.  I can’t recall exactly, but apparently I dropped the harmless knife not once, or twice, but four times!  If I were to look back at that day and see what I was making, I would tell you that I can’t remember!  Was it even a knife?  I could have been a spoon?  But what befell (pun intended) was my rage!  On the fourth time, I was so annoyed and upset with myself that I smashed the blameless utensil into the cupboard with enough force that I had a reminder of the assault for several hours!  The cupboard did not cry, nor did the utensil… I went on with my day!

I’ve been known to hurl things: be them utensil, pens, my phone, a remote, brooms, hammers (watch out!), the mouse to my laptop (BTW, I can’t find it now!) and other things, because I cannot get them to function in the manner they are supposed to.  Or perhaps it is “Make Craig Rage” day!  Why does this happen?  Does it happen to you?!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

One thought on “Uncontrolled anger

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s