Happy new year everyone!
I’ve been doing some thinking on my deafness, and it is probably the most frustrating of my many disabilities.
A bit of backstory, I grew up hearing, and could speak really good. My hearing started to dive when I was around 7 or 8. I recall getting hearing aids in grade two. I also recall the teacher putting them on, yet I would take them off about ten minutes later. Finally she would give up trying.
In high school, I tried, again, hearing aids, and the FM loop system. Both did not work.
Later, in my early 20s, I decided to try to see what would happen if I was approved for a Cochlear Implant. I was tested and tested and the Doctor said my hearing loss is sensory neural (I think) and he would not preform it, as it would not work.
Then, when Chase came along, I went and got a new hearing aid for my left ear. My right one being shot. I would use it, for a year or so, it helped a bit. Not much. After a new mold was made, I could not put it in my ear without feeling instant intense nausea and on verge of vomiting. I haven’t used any hearing device since.
Any hearing device I’ve used would always amplify the background noise to a point where I could not hear anything other than a constant buzz. I never gained the ability to tune out that noise.
The Good (things that I am happy I can’t hear…)
- Voices: whiny, obnoxious, inflaming, backstabbing, bitchy, crybaby, demanding, those full of malice, hurling words to incite, a verbal Molotov cocktail, slurs, racism, yelling obscenities, disagreements, catcalling, sexist remarks, vulgar words in music, pestering kids, Donald Trump.
The Bad (things that I wish I could hear, but can’t)
- Voices, those of my children, my wife, my family. I would trade almost anything to hear my children babbling about the new Lego games, their school, friends, homework, reading, talking about cool cars and so forth! I wouldn’t mind hearing them pepper me with constant “Daddy, daddy” or chatting or helping each other. I wouldn’t mind hearing my wife using her normal voice. And with Mom in Law living with us,
- TV/Movies – I wish that I could watch TV or movies and understand the dialog. True, I have captioning, and that has been a great help. Yet, with my vision, I cannot read it fast enough. In-theatre captioning is really bad, and don’t get me started on Netflix! .
- In church, and at school, many people come to talk to my kids, or my wife. If I have an intervenor, I can be involved, yet, if I don’t, then I’m outta luck!
- In my youth, until about 15 years back, I could hear differences of music, and vocals. Now, if there is music on, it is just a flat buzz. I get a real kick if music is concert hall loud. But, what would the neighbors say!?
The Useless (things that I couldn’t care if I never heard them)
- Tinnitus can go to hell and not come back!
I am happy that I learned, and still am learning, ASL, a visual language of my Deaf peers. It is an awesome way to communicate, and my primary way. My kids are learning.
In closing, this is not about what I want to fix up, because I can’t fix it up. My life is written this way, I would not change it. If someone gave me a pill that would fix all of my disabilities with one glass of water, I would give it to my son, he has CAPOS as well. I am old, he is young!